Introverts and Extroverts: Can We Get Along?

La Monica Everett-Haynes
Jan. 28, 2015

Perhaps you dread being in an elevator and being asked, "So, how about this weather?" Or, maybe you feel naturally inclined to work with groups of people instead of on solo projects.

The distance between those two examples marks the difference between introversion and extroversion. But it's not accurate to think of the difference as a binary, says Mark Trommer, a senior organizational consultant at the University of Arizona.

While each of us has a preference for either introversion or extroversion, we all act in both introverted and extroverted ways. Although one mode will seem more comfortable or natural, our behaviors exist on a continuum and we all demonstrate some of both, Trommer said.

As of late, introverts have been getting a steady amount of attention in pop culture and social media. Trommer credits these emergent conversations with the release and subsequent rise in popularity of Susan Cain's "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking," which is currently on the New York Times best-seller list for science books.

"There is a lot of buzz about it right now," Trommer said.

He also acknowledges that there remains some confusion, and certainly some misnomers, associated with what it means to be an introvert versus an extrovert.

Drawing on the research of Swiss psychiatrist C. G. Jung, Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs, and also his own professional training and expertise, Trommer offers some clarification about both preferences.

Let's start with definitions

What do we mean about having a personality preference? How do you spot an introvert or an extrovert?

First, remember that introversion and extroversion refer to where we get our energy — what energizes us and what "drains our battery."

With that in mind, think of extroverts as people who recharge their batteries out in the world of people, things and activity. Introverts are more focused internally and are energized by thoughts, ideas and reflection.

Also, Trommer explains that Carl Jung's theory says we cannot switch types; our preferences are inborn and do not change. 

"However, what we can, and often do, is change the expression of our type in how we act," he said.

True or false: Introverts are quiet and shy,  extroverts are wild

False.  

People who prefer introversion tend to think before they speak or act. They may want to get to know you before they reveal their inner thoughts or beliefs. People who prefer extroversion tend to speak and act first, and then think afterward. They’re often fine with starting a conversation in a large group or with people they don’t know well.

Generally in conversations about introversion and extroversion, people have a tendency to sharply align with one or the other. But this, Trommer says, is a misnomer.

While Jung affirmed that people are born "hard wired" into a certain type, it turns out that people — because of their upbringing and social interactions — grow to exhibit both types of behaviors. That means there is a little bit of an introvert and some of an extrovert in all of us.

"It's not like you are only one or the other — it's not black and white," Trommer says. "It's just that we are naturally drawn to, or more comfortable with, one or the other."

Learning about both types can have benefits

Trommer explains that as people spend time learning about introversion and extroversion, they tend to become more self-aware and to see improvements in communication with others. Without that level of awareness, it becomes easy for people to develop biases about others, and to experience problems with communicating. That's true in personal relationships and at work.

"It can be hard for people to communicate with one another if they have different styles," Trommer says. "Learning to recognize and appreciate differences leads to better communication."

In the absence of access to personality inventories, Trommer suggests working to build self-awareness. For example, if you are having a new experience or are in a different environment, pay close attention to your natural response. Or, consider keeping a journal and reflecting on your thoughts and experiences. Such experiences should help develop a deeper understanding of the self, and also encourage you to be more open to the experience of others and to realize that we have different ways of being in the world.

Thus, if you find that you prefer alone time to be quiet, if you tend to be a bit more reserved, or you need time for reflection before taking action, you may prefer introversion. If you have a broad range of friends and interests and like to jump quickly into an activity without the need for too much mental processing time, those are signs of a preference for extroversion.

How to apply all of this knowledge

Trommer says that whether you are trying to improve a romantic relationship or a relationship with a colleague, the suggestions are similar. 

The first thing is to be receptive to differences and to diversity, he says.

One preference is not better than the other, there is no right or wrong about this, and great value can come from interactions between introverts and extroverts — in the same way that interactions among those from different backgrounds based on race/ethnicity, gender, sexuality, ability, economics and belief systems can enrich conversations and interactions, Trommer says.

"That piece is so critical. Research indicates that if you have that diversity,  then you have better outcomes," Trommer said, noting that this is especially evident in working environments when people are trying to resolve issues. "We can be more efficient and more effective when we bring together all of these different ways of seeing an issue and finding a solution. Having diversity of perspectives and diversity of experience leads to better results."

In the workplace, managers can do a better job simultaneously supporting introverts and extroverts. For example, if a team is having a planning meeting, a supervisor should consider sending the agenda in advance and asking that people come prepared, Trommer suggests. This helps introverts, who tend to prefer time for thinking and reflecting. Then, during the meeting, provide some time for brainstorming and for the discussion of ideas. This helps extroverts, who often prefer to think out loud.  

If you are in a relationship where you have different preferences, consider being responsive to the other. For example, if you prefer extroversion, try to practice silence and active listening, especially at times when you want to speak up, to allow an introvert time to talk. If you prefer introversion, try jumping in with your thoughts and ideas to let the other person know the depth of your reflection. Both types could serve to be flexible, especially when dealing with someone of a different preference.

Want more?

Trommer advises people to become familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator instrument and its associated research online and to check out "Gifts Differing," by Isabel Briggs Myers with Peter B. Myers, and "I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just Not You," by Daniel Yergin and Roger R. Pearman. Those at the UA can contact Trommer directly for more information about assessments and professional development and training, or to discuss opportunities to increase workplace efficiency and effectiveness.

Mark Trommer, a senior organizational consultant at the UA and an MBTI certified practitioner, facilitates Myers-Briggs Type Indicator exploration sessions for teams through the University's Human Resources division. Trommer also serves as the APAC Policy Committee co-chair for the Appointed Professionals Advisory Council at the UA. Trommer may be reached at 520-621-8594 or mtrommer@email.arizona.edu.

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