Mothers Turn to Their Adolescent Daughters: The Effects of Confiding After Divorce

Susan McGinley
Aug. 30, 2000


Divorce is painful enough without having lost a partner to confide in. Many women, left on theirown with children to take care of and a life to rebuild, begin to discuss some of their frustrationsand problems with their own children.

What these mothers choose to discuss with their daughters can influence the children'semotionalstate, according to a study by the University of Arizona's College of Agricultural and LifeSciences.

Susan Silverberg Koerner, a professor in the family studies division of the School of Family and Consumer Resources, has completed a study that asked adolescent daughters and their divorced mothers just how they felt about these issues.

"We know there is a lot ofdiversity among families where there is divorce," Koerner says."Some adults, children andfamilies are doing better than others." Not much research has been conducted in this area, soKoerner had to narrow her focus to a manageable study population. Her project focused on themother-daughter relationship within the first two years following the mother's divorce. At leastone of the children had to be an adolescent girl between the ages of 11and 17.

Koerner selected her subjects by perusing divorce records at courthouses in Pima and Maricopacounties, and four rural counties in Southern Arizona. She and her students obtained a randomsample of cases filed between May 1994 and July 1995, sent out letters and questionnaires, andeventually received full, valid responses from 62 mother-daughter dyads (pairs).

Each mother and daughter filled out separate, private detailed questionnaires. Part of thesurvey instrument contained forced-choice questions for statistical analysis; the other featuredopen-ended questions where the respondent could write about feelings and perceptions thatcouldbe categorized and analyzed.

"We looked at the extent to which mothers disclose personal information, concerns,feelingsand complaints to their daughters," Koerner explains. "We covered a range of topics, fromleisureissues, hair and makeup, to disclosure about financial concerns, the mother's complaints andanger about the ex-husband, and the mother's talk about sexuality needs and experiences."

The lengthy questionnaire also asked about men in relationships, and the extent to whichdaughters act as an emotional support or giver of advice to the mother. The survey was part of alarger study, the Mother-Daughter Life Transition Project.

Koerner concentrated on three main disclosure topic areas: the mother's financial concerns,the mother's complaints/anger toward the ex-husband (the adolescent girl's father), andintimacy/sexuality needs of the mother. She chose these areas because they may emerge orintensify following divorce, because they are considered either private or taboo, and becausethey can be emotionally sensitive. In short, they might be construed as topics that would "placedaughters at some risk for adjustment difficulties," according to Koerner.

Overall, the survey results showed that most of the mothers had discussed their financial situation and expressed complaints or anger about their ex-husbands with their daughters; not allof them discussed sexual intimacy. The amount of detail and the motivations for these talksvaried, depending on the subject. Some mothers were just letting off steam, giving information,or trying to build a closer relationship. Others said they specifically brought these subjects up forthe daughter's benefit, to influence her impression or view of the father or of the divorce ingeneral.

The depth of maternal disclosure regarding finances and anger toward the ex-husband appeared to be associated with depressive symptoms (not clinical depression) in the daughters'reports. These included feeling hurt, torn, upset or confused. Disclosure from the motherregarding sexual intimacy, on the other hand, was positively related to the daughters' problemand risk behavior only. Risk behavior included drinking, smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, orhaving dating/sexual problems.

"Yet when we looked at the larger picture of mother disclosure to daughters about men inrelationships in general, that was unrelated to the daughters' mental health or problem/riskbehavior," Koerner adds.

In addition, daughters who had a tendency to worry about their mothers were more likelyto report negative or depressive feelings if their mothers talked in detail with them about thesetopics. Surprisingly, the daughter's age did not seem to be related to her degree of discomfort asaresult of these discussions.

Koerner is quick to point out that mother-daughter communication is a good thing as longasmothers remain aware of the effects some of their talks can have on their daughters.

"The implications here are for family life educators and counselors," she says. "We dowantto encourage mothers and daughters to have strong relationships. Now we're helping mothers tosee where they can build a strong relationship and where there are more sensitive issues."

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